of an Anxious Person

I want to write you a letter every day.
Please, a lot of it,
is selfless,
wanting to be sure you know
(I need to be sure)
You’re beautiful
great is your smile
even the glory of your mistakes.

I suppose some of it is
… selfish
like a Mom puts on
her mask first
to breath.
She doesn’t pass out
Her child can breath too
soon.

Selfish, but
protective.
Self-

Protection.

I want to know I’m lovable.
(Laughter-)no likable-
possibly wanted around? I promise it’s not self-
serving. I can explain. How

I don’t think it
believe it

often, truly

I don’t know it.

need to hear it. More than once
and a while,

more than an average bear,
but
no cheer will out root me
no drink taken-out
quench me
no space will be safer than
with me

even now…?
Do you hear how I have to prove me?

I’ll know you. I’ll love you. I’ll be there for you
but

I want to write you a letter several times a day
It hurts to think of people so much.

I don’t know how to think about you less.
Once a week, maybe every couple of days
maybe you can sit with me
hand me a bandage
I’m not asking you to worry about the cut

I have to work my issues out, yes,
but maybe
Call.
Call me up

just every couple of days,
once a week is fine.
Let me know that I am here in your world
that you are still in mine

and
when I cry
or I won’t make much sense. Don’t worry,
I’m getting help

I am actually so f u c k i n g brave.
All I need from you is the time it takes you
to send a tweet. To check a clock,

to think of me

I’ll think of you when I read
(and you’ll be caring for me, and) it’s okay for me to bleed.

B

When we write, we all long for light in the dark places. Instagram: c.s.mize

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